Sex/Porn freedom in 40 days: day 35
My parents got conned. A rare coin dealor called them at home. He told my mom he could sell her a coin that would double in value. The con is: after she buys the coin he calls her back 6 weeks later and says – that coin you bought for 2500 is now worth 3500. It just so happens that I have another coin that will go up just as fast. She buys that coin also and the next thing you know 13000 of their 48000 net worth is wrapped up in coins. At this point I find out about what they are doing. She has told the con man she will buy another coin. I tell her that it is a con and she can’t buy it. She says “I told him I would buy it, if I don’t I will then have lied. She bought the coin.
It was not that she didnt believe me that she bought the coin it was because she would not lie. Almighty God in heaven was watching her refuse to lie and I think He was happy with her. I would like to tell you that He was so happy with her that she got all her money back. But that did not happen. She got the greed bug and when it all played out their 16000 turned into 2200. They sold out a few years later for a big loss.
But the story has a happy ending. My mom turns 90 this year. She has her mind and her health. She still helps every single person that she can and she is blessed and has a full joy in her life. She is broke but she has food and good shelter. She tells everyone she can about Jesus Christ and she is a great witness.
Most of us have messed up just like she did. We put our pleasure and fun ahead of doing what is right and then we fall into sin. She refused to fall into sin even though she messed up big time. She would not even lie to the guy who was stealing from her.
Be like my mom. If at your hardest time God looks down on you and you are fighting to get the sin out you will get your reward. If at your hardest time you are working to help others you will get your reward.
I can tell you from my stockbroker days that I knew many old people who had nothing. They had 500,000 but they had nothing.
My mom is a very rich poor woman. If you want everthing, strive to have ethics and morals like my mom.
Negative emotions lead to relapse.
Which emotions lead you to use
Sadness
Anger
Disgust
Fear
Lonliness
Rejection
Emptiness
Frustration
Boredom
Greed
Being crushed
Being trapped
Write out what coping skill you will use when you feel each emotion that causes you to relapse. For example if anger is a problem say. When I get angry and am tempted to party I will read “Battlefield of the mind” by Joyce Meyer. Or say, when I am bored and tempted to fall I will call Bill or play chess.
If you don’t have a list of 6 or 8 activities to do when tempted to fall you should do that today.
If your addiction is severe you should practice these coping skills with a group or with your counselor. If you are on your own practice twice a day for the next three days saying “if I am tempted to have sex or look at porn because of being down after getting angry I will _________________ (read Battlefield of the Mind). Give specific coping solutions based on the emotions that get you the most.
You must take instant action when you see a warning sign that temptation is coming. If you don’t you will fall.
David Quackenbush said the following:
“Today we will look at “Temperance”.
There are times when our conduct is quite exemplary and other times when it can be deplorable. At times we are exemplify the epitomy of control and at other times we are like erupting vulcano’s.
1. TEMPERANCE DEFINED
The dictionary refers to it as:
1. moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control.
2. habitual moderation in the indulgence of a natural appetite or passion.
It is true that Temperance means self-control. It is control over the whole man (spirit, soul, and body) which enables us to live a victorious life. As 1Cor. 9:25 implies And everyone who competes for the prize is temperate in all things.
Ned H. Holmgren said “Temperance means the abstinence from all that is evil, and the moderate use of all that is good.” (www.sermoncentral.com)
Discipline and temperance can often look very much a like but they do not necessarily produce the same end results. For instance two men walking by a book store in the airport both notice pornography books on the shelf. The first man says to himself, I shouldn’t look at that stuff. It’s wrong. So while he feels the strong pull of his carnal man he steels himself and continues walking away.
Now the second man he sees the same books and immediately feels a prick in his heart. He feels the old man’s desire but his heart responds with, ‘I don’t want to go there, I love the Lord and not only is this not be good for me, but it will break God’s heart.’
The first man and the second man both walk away and by appearances they have the same result. But did they. The first man is merely using his will, but the second man used not only his will but the “love for God”
2. Maturity Dictates Temperance
“One of the basic characteristics of infancy is a lack of self-control. Not only do babies need diapers, they must be carried because they lack the necessary control and muscle coordination to sit up much less walk or run. If babies are healthy and normal, in time they will develop more and more self-control—a sure sign of growth and maturity.”
So too in our spiritual life. If we are to mature in Christ, then it necessitates that we become more “Self-controlled.” By self- control I mean the controlling of “self” by submission to the Spirit of God. How then can you or I develop this “Temperance” in our lives.
If you want to develop the fruit of self-control, you have to do a couple of things:
1. Stop believing the lie! The lie that giving up that which will bring temperance in your life will be too painful.
Illustration
Self Control
Billy attended a seminar on self-control. At the seminar he was advised to repeat for a minute or two one of the following affirmations:
- I am fully in control of myself.
- I have the power to choose my emotions and thoughts.
- Self-control brings me inner strength and leads me to success.
- I am in control of my reactions.
- I am in charge of my behavior.
- I am gaining control of my emotions.>
- Self-control is fun and pleasurable.
The next week he started to feel things slipping out of control, so he used these techniques several times. He also prayed: Father, take away my spirit of despair and help me to have a spirit of self-control 4 times over the course of the day. But right at 5 PM as usual he felt the depression start. His wife used to come home at 5 and now she is gone.
But he keeps fighting the depression and tries to watch a little TV. With that not working he tries to read. That fails as well. Finally a break. His buddy calls and asks if he wants to get a bite to eat. He goes and to make a long story short – his evening improves and he makes it through the evening without falling into out of control addiction. At midnight he is home alone and able to keep a good relationship with God and he worships his way to sleep and is quite content with life.
Many people would look at this story and say – no great answer to prayer there. But; Billy did not run out and get him-self into trouble with out of control sex. And he made a bit of improvement with his emotions. And if he thanks God for the slightly improved self-control, maybe next time God will remind him to come home and have Bible study, pray for other people’s lives to improve and be saved. And next time he will start off at the key temptation point determined to help others and he will have less time to worry about his own problems.
Remez Sasson says that: “your self-control will improve considerably, if you work on developing and strengthening your willpower and self-discipline through appropriate exercises. This is actually the most important step for developing self-control.
By developing and strengthening your willpower and self-discipline, you develop and strengthen your self-control. Click here for a powerful training program, with full information, advice, instructions and exercises for gaining inner strength and self-control.” A lot of great idea’s from Remez Sasson
Read Matthew 7, Proverbs 30 and James 3
If this article has helped you, share it with your friends. Share buttons are below the index.
Thank you for reading day 7 of this program: Overcoming porn, overcoming sex
Pray every day: Father help me to have toughness and temperance so that I can overcome my addictions
- Checklist for avoiding relapse: Write down places, people and activities that you need to avoid to stay off the slippery path that leads you back into addiction.
- Pray: Father help me to focus on the fact that Illicit Sex/Porn causes destruction. It always has and it always will.
Index
Day 1: Overcoming cravings
Day2 : Is God real?
Day 3: Quitting addiction exercises
Day 4: Getting negative emotions out
Day 5: You can never increase the amount of pleasure that you can have for the month by going back to an addiction
Day 6: Sin leads back to addiction
Day 7: Worshiping God helps us overcome addiction
Day 8: What causes you to stay addicted
Day 9: Develop positive addicitons
Day 10: Overcoming negative emotions
Day 11: You have some self control
Day 12: Always have a list of alternate activities to do when temptation hits
Day 13: Only living water can satisfy you for good
Day 14: Learning form the story of Adam and Eve
Day 15: Blessings and curses
Day 16: Self Control
Day 17: Self Control continued
Day 18: Learning to pray
Day 19: What kind of prayers does God answer
Day 21: Finding a Church that can help you
Day 22: Why is it so hard to quit
Day 23: plan plan plan
Day 24: Don’t condemn yourself
Day 25: Get the anger and negative emotions out
Day 26: Attack your addiction
Day 27: The mad cycle
Day 28: Practice coping skills
Day 29: Why we need to find our purpose
Day 30: We were created to worship, praise and serve God
Day 31: Addiction is a trap that takes our freedom away
Day 32: Learning how to start to live in God’s blessing
Day 33: Addiction has a life
Day 34 Learning to pray