Sex/Porn freedom in 40 days: day 33
For a few people addiction is simply the result of a long term routine. It is similar to the routine you have driving home every day. You have gone this way for years. Now there is a way home that is one full minute faster. You try that way but it is not the same. You have always gone the other way.
But for most addictions it is much more complicated. Your addiction seems to have a life. You try to stop and it keeps dragging you back in (from now on instead of calling it it, we will call it Damon). You argue and fight with it (Damon), but Damon seems to always win. You plan on how you are going to stop and Damon sits you down at the kitchen table and tells you what you are going to do. You explain to Damon that you are really done this time. Surprisingly a new calm and confidence comes over you, He has stopped arguing with you.
The next day Damon sits you down at the kitchen table and explains to you that your boundaries are way too strict. Just because you have a porn or sex addiction doesn’t mean you can’t party a little bit. Just last week you looked at some very questionable TV and you didn’t fall. Today it would be way more fun to watch the type of TV show (smut) that you like. 25 minutes later you are back in full blown addiction. This Damon guy is very tricky. If you love porn (fill in your vice of choice here) His first trick is to flood your thoughts with how much fun it will be to look just a little. When you defeat him on that he may stop trying to get you to go their but now He whispers to you to just think about how much fun you have had in the past. He helps you forget about all the destruction that was caused. Damon then explains to you that your problem was not just a quick glance, it was going overboard with it.
Key Point #1 Strict boundaries are essential. Because you accidently got away with crossing the line means nothing. When you purposefully cross the line on borderline things, it will cause you to fall.
Damon also likes to tell you how bored you are. How frustrated you are. How you are going nowhere. How other people are letting you down. Take just a moment to think about specific ways he tries to trick you and deceive you. Damon seem to know whether he should come right at you with a full court assault or just try to trick you by getting you to lower your defenses. If you have been fighting addiction for a while you are getting better and better at fighting direct temptation. Now you need to shore up your defense. Great defense starts with working on your journal every day. I talked about journaling in my video “Quitting addiction exercises”. With journaling you write down all the overcoming addiction idea’s that apply to you in a notebook so that you can refer to them daily. This allows you to apply these idea’s consistently until you form new habits.
Next we need to learn from history. In Genesis Eve was told to not eat the Apple. She loved God and was fine with not eating the apple. Then satan asked her: did God really say you could not eat the apple. Lie #1. He next told her about how great it would be to eat the apple. Lie #2. Then he said how she would be like a God if she just ate it. Lie #3 She had unlimited variety of perfect fruit to choose from. God said she could not have that one. Satan kept telling her that she had to eat it. She ate it. Let’s look at the event from Genesis 3:3
Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat from any tree in the garden?” 2 The woman said to the serpent, “We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, 3 but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’ 4 “You will not certainly die,” the serpent said to the woman. 5 “For God knows that when you eat from it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.” 6 When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.
Now I will skip forward to the destruction that was caused by their disobedience.
16 To the woman he said, “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband,
and he will rule over you.” 17 To Adam he said, “Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.”
Whenever I hear this Bible story I think. I would never have eaten the apple. She ruined everything by eating it. God was providing their food, was protecting them and was going to let them live this dream life forever. But, the problem is that Damon does not tempt me with an apple. He tempts me with the thing I want most. And if I give in, I have created new destruction which is a result of my sin. Yes Jesus died on the Cross for my past sin, but now I have started the mad cycle again.
To stop the cycle we have to shut Damon up. We do this by repenting of our sins and asking Jesus to forgive us. Next we read our Bible every day, start to learn how to pray and find a good Church. As we learn how to obey the Bible a great change will happen. When we are good with God, now we have the Holy Spirit advising us instead of Damon. He starts to tell us the benefits of doing good. He fills us with love and begins to fill us with joy. He starts to show us the purpose for our lives. If you never look back at your addiction or sin you will now live a great purpose driven life. If you do look back you will struggle back and forth.
Key Point #2 Get the addiction out, get the sin out and don’t even spend one second thinking about your old way of life. This gets Damon out and the Holy Spirit in.
Responsibility: Do we blame our past or other people or God for a willingness to do wrong? Do we mistakenly think we are not required to work, do chores, follow rules, be disciplined and be structured? Do I blame basic human desires for choices I willingly made? I must reject the lie I believed that I could go on living irresponsibly and ________ or __________ without consequences. The truth is that there are consequences to sin and rewards for doing things Gods way.
We are held responsible for our words, thoughts and actions by God. If we mess up we don’t blame others or our genetic makeup. We look in the mirror and ask ourselves: did I put in the work I need to put in to stay free –am I praying urgently? Romans 12:2 says we are to transform our-selves by the renewal of our mind. By reading the Bible we let Gods Word take up residence inside of us so much that it permeates all that we do.
If you feed the flesh you will fall. The best way to feed the Spirit is by reading the Bible. Saying yes to God gives us positive emotions like peace, hope, joy and improved self-control. Read your Bible to replace your thoughts with Gods thoughts.
Read a Bible chapter then meditate on the key points for 10 minutes. Give the Holy Spirit some time to change you. Do this for each of the 3-5 chapters you read each day.
All addiction is breaking the great commandment from Matthew 22:37 which says to love the Lord your God with all of your mind, soul and strength. All addictions are selfishness which is the opposite of loving God. Since God did not create us to be selfish, when we become selfish with addiction we are never satisfied.
Selfishness includes: I should receive every whim and desire I want. The world I live in exists for my pleasure. My self-worth and identity come from things of this world – jobs, possessions, accomplishments, rather than from a relationship with Christ. I find pleasure which satisfies when I live for Gods glory. Worldly pleasures usually lead to disaster. Do we look to worldly solutions and pleasures to alleviate pain rather than Jesus?
Selfish people are takers not givers. Takers are never satisfied with what they consume. They always want more and more. The world is not designed to satisfy people. Only Jesus Christ satisfies completely.
The key is to remember that only eternal treasures are satisfying. God gave you everything so now we must give to others, serve and help others. Now decide to seek satisfaction in eternal rather than worldly things. Seek satisfaction in helping others.
Pray: “Father, reduce my love for _____ and help me to focus on _______ which will bring me eternal treasures which will satisfy.” I really believe God loves a focused personalized version you write of a prayer like this. Then you can pray it multiple times each day (each time must be sincere).
Read Matthew 5, Proverbs 28 and James 1
Pray: Father help me to align with you because when I am doing things your way -we are more powerful than any substance can be.
- Checklist for avoiding relapse: Always practice moderation in all things and always try to identify what activities you tend to overindulge in which lead you down a wrong trail.
- Pray: Father help me always to be balanced. Be balanced physically, emotionally and spiritually.
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At the end of each story, Peter talks to his mentor Gordon, who helps him learn from his adventure and learn about his Higher Power. The 24 adventures include: Titanic, Pearl Harbor, the Matrix, the Exorcist, The Magic is in the Work, the Pleasure Principle, Escaping Reality and many others. Gordon reveals to Peter his code at the end of every chapter. The code teaches you how to be unstoppable, how a true understanding of pleasure will lead to you quit porn, how to make current obsessions become minor temptations and how to fight until you are free.
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Thank you for reading day 32 of this program on overcoming sex addiction and porn addiction.
Index
Day 1: Overcoming cravings
Day2 : Is God real?
Day 3: Quitting addiction exercises
Day 4: Getting negative emotions out
Day 5: You can never increase the amount of pleasure that you can have for the month by going back to an addiction
Day 6: Sin leads back to addiction
Day 7: Worshiping God helps us overcome addiction
Day 8: What causes you to stay addicted
Day 9: Develop positive addicitons
Day 10: Overcoming negative emotions
Day 11: You have some self control
Day 12: Always have a list of alternate activities to do when temptation hits
Day 13: Only living water can satisfy you for good
Day 14: Learning form the story of Adam and Eve
Day 15: Blessings and curses
Day 16: Self Control
Day 17: Self Control continued
Day 18: Learning to pray
Day 19: What kind of prayers does God answer
Day 21: Finding a Church that can help you
Day 22: Why is it so hard to quit
Day 23: plan plan plan
Day 24: Don’t condemn yourself
Day 25: Get the anger and negative emotions out
Day 26: Attack your addiction
Day 27: The mad cycle
Day 28: Practice coping skills
Day 29: Why we need to find our purpose
Day 30: We were created to worship, praise and serve God
Day 31: Addiction is a trap that takes our freedom away
Day 32: Learning how to start to live in God’s blessing