Sex/Porn freedom in 30 days: day 7
To fight anxiety and depression we need to live “in today.” A lot of bad things happened to all of us in the past. Consider praying:
“Father, help me to forget the past, and help me to do Your will and enjoy Your precense today.”
Second, we can’t spend time worrying about tomorrow. Consider praying:
“Father, You Word says: “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.” Help me to focus on this verse. Help me not to worry.”
I wrote an article called Free Your Mind last week. In it, I suggested a number of things to think about instead of lust. Today I am suggesting adding anxiety and or depression to the sentence about thoughts (underlined). Here is the reworded paragraph:
“Wear a rubber band on your wrist and try these six ideas about what to say. Every time you have a lustful/anxious, or negative thought about the past, snap it and say: #1 “Father, Your ways are best.” On your next negative thought Pray: “Father, show me what to think about.” Thought #3 Say: I believe that pure thoughts will lead to a great life. #4 Pray: “Jesus, I thank you for the cross.” #5: Say three things you can give God thanks for. # 6 Pray: “Father, take away this spirit of lust/depression/anxiety and fill me with your love. #7 Quote Scripture.
Every time you have a lustful/anxious, or negative thought about the future, snap it and go through the list again.”
Today, consider writing a few of your own Christian ideas about what to think about. Then add what you should be thinking about to live “for today.” Whenever you have a negative thought “snap it” and think about what is important today, or something to think about from the Free Your Mind article, or from your list.
The fantastic goal is to develop the habit of avoiding thinking compulsively about the past or worrying compulsively about the future. Instead, compulsively, work on solving these two problems Jesus’s way.
It is healthy to take a day off once a week. It is important to take a rest from work but it is also important to take a day off from everything we do that adds stress to our lives.
We have talked about learning what negative emotions or behaviors lead back to addiction. Now we must also understand how good activities “done in excess” also lead back to addiction. For example: we have been following Bill (clean from porn for 25 days) increasing his exercise program. This is highly recommended behavior. But if after 6 straight days of running 2 miles per day he runs 3 miles on Sunday to really up the ante. Then he felt really charged up so he decided to do a little extra work to get ahead financially. But 45 minutes into the work his friend asks him if he still wants to play a bit of pool. He says “just give me a few minutes and I will be done”. An hour later he realizes his buddy went out.
The next day Bill gets up feeling very tired. One mistake at work turns into two. When he gets home he is hoping to get some support from his buddy. But 10 seconds into the phone call he realizes his buddy is still a bit miffed about being blown off yesterday. So he decides it would be OK – just this time to watch a somewhat smutty movie.
Within 30 minutes this decision leads to enough viewing of porn to make Tuesday just as bad a day as Monday was.
Let’s do a count of the # of staying clean commandments that were broken. #1 even though running is a great way to help stay clean – After 6 days (Okay for some of us after one day) resting for a day was in order. Commandment #2 broken – people are more important than fighting for a few extra dollars (if you have enough for basic necessities).
Commandment #3 broken – stay moderate in all things even if they are good. Commandment #4 broken – God says take a day off. It is shocking how much easier it is to avoid addiction when we always do things Gods way.
Commandment #5 broken – Don’t watch or think about things that lead back to your addiction.
“You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.”
Overcoming Addiction Quote by Margaret Thatcher (born 13 October 1925)
List your positive behaviors which you have done “in excess” in the past. Things like games, too much work, TV, Sports etc. We overdo because we don’t focus on moderation enough. We keep going because we are not content with our life. It is better to “be content” with a small house, an average job and a regular life than having a mansion, a high paying job and an attitude of “I have to fight to get more, more, more.” We also need to be content with the amount of pleasure we try to have today. Today’s “extra” pleasure is tomorrow’s disaster. If we are not content with todays “clean” pleasures” we will have destruction as well as less pleasures later in the week/month.
Pray every day – Father, take away my __________ and help me to be content.
Pray every day – Father, take away my __________ and help me to be moderate in all things.
Remember that to improve the chances of getting your prayers answered you sometimes need to do something. In this case planning to be moderate today may cause God to notice that you are serious about living right and He may say – you know what I normally don’t step and change the course of history, but this person really wants to live the way I want them to live.
For me stress can lead back to addiction. When I put a specific time frame on activities that raise my stress level, plus praying about being moderate in all things – I probably triple or quadruple my odds of success. What do you need to plan more often which will help you avoid your addiction?
Why Were We Created?
One big problem that many users have is that they just don’t know what to do. If you are a Christian you are told in the Bible that you were created to Worship God.
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God 1 Corinthians 10:31
If you are not a Christian you may want to try it because when we have the Spirit of the Lord with us we will find Liberty.
16 Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away. 17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty. 18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord 2 Corinthians 3:16-18
Look at the HOPE we should have for real change as we focus on learning how to keep the Spirit of the Lord near us. We get the Spirit of the Lord near us when we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior. But we know for sure that when we fiddle with sin we lose our Liberty over sin and over the chains of porn and sex outside of marriage.
Therefore make it your goal to do everything to the glory of God. This will lead to liberty over sin and liberty over intoxication.
Read Matthew 4 and First Corintians 4 from the Bible.
Psalm 31:16
Let your face shine on your servant; save me in your unfailing love.
Let’s continue to watch people who are striving to quit to see what they are doing. Bill prayed: Father, forgive me for my fall – help me to raise my standards and learn to turn from sin. Father keep me from temptation.
Lisa decided to make it a habit to pray at least 3 times per day “Lord, help me to always be moderate in all things.”
Mike made it a habit to have a time and place to pray every day.
We often ruin tormorrow. Don’t do that. Often we are discouraged and don’t care what happens today. But we still are trying to stay clean. Today things seem bleak. Today we may not care enough about the destruction falling would cause us. But maybe we do still care about having a great future. So focus on that future. Focus on tomorrow and don’t ruin it today. Say 15 times today. “I value having a great day tomorrow and I will not ruin it by what I do today.”
30 DAYS, 1 FALLS, 2 MAKE IT
3 brothers all have the same porn addiction. They all saw a recommendation for the PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE “PDL” (Warren). Today they all are clean for 7 days and they all drive the same exact cheap car. Today all 3 junky cars have major repairs totaling $2000 each. But each brother reacts differently to the disaster.
Mikey digs into prayer aggressively and then digs into his new PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE (PDL) book and it helps him to some extent. Andy quotes some prayers, reads a bit of the PDL book and then tries to learn a new song on the guitar to get through the pain. Fred picks up the PDL book, but finding your purpose seems really complicated. He puts in a risky movie. He falls.
Background: Every day every person has a joy rating and a fun rating. Paul in the Bible had fullness of joy. Even in prison, he rated a 10 for joy. And even in hardship he usually had a lot of fun also (But probably not when he was being whipped).
Let’s look at the rating for these brothers. Being clean for 7 days would have increased their joy rating bit by bit to say around a 5 before the incident. Next, let’s look at the rating for these brothers based on their reactions to the disaster.
Joy
Mikey is fighting 100% afterward so his joy would increase to 5.7 because the Holy Spirit would really be helping him. Andy’s strong effort causes an increase to 5.5, but Fred’s joy hits zero.
Fun
Mikey’s and Andy’s fun ratings are pretty weak on day 7. We are going to wait to examine Fred the Faller’s high fun rating for the day because we need to examine the foolishness and the destruction for the month first.
Fast forward to Day 13.
Mikey is aggressively seeking the Lord and his joy level has risen to 6.4. Because of this increased joy level, the simple things in life are now more fun. Relationships more fun, TV more fun, activities more fun.
Switch back to Fred the Faller on day 13, and he is very frustrated. Relationships are challenged, he is too driven and frustrated to do the simple things in life or watch TV. His temptation level is through the roof again.
Let’s examine what happened to Fred after the fall. On day 8, he fell for the 2nd straight day. And by the end of the day, he realized that his anger problem was increasing again and his fear problem was as well. He decided to repent. And on day nine his joy level was back to a 3. Admittedly, his fun level was zero because he was exhausted and empty, but now his relationship with Christ was back to normal.
On day 10 Fred the Faller tried to read PDL but it really didn’t make sense to him. So he read 1 chapter from the Bible and prayed a few minutes and tried to stay busy. His joy level had increased to a 4 but his fun level felt low. He did not know what to do.
Mikey: Also on day 10 Mikey read the PDL after he finished “Studying” 3 chapters from the book of James in the Bible and praying fervently for an hour. PDL was now making sense and he started to pray extra about finding his purpose.
On day 14 Mikey followed the advice in PDL to try doing something for God, and he volunteers to help out at the church. For the first time in a long time, he feels satisfied with his life, content, and more in control. Joy level is now a 7 and he is content. The fun level is a 7 as well.
By day 30 Mikey is shocked by how his life has changed. His life is not all about him anymore. His joy level is consistently at a 9. His temptation is way down and he is really enjoying the simple things in life. His fun level is at a 9 as well.
Back to Fred. He fell again on day 14 and on day 21 and on day 26. Out of the 30 days, he had a lot of fun on about 4 days and his joy was great for about 4 days. The other 22 days were bad and very frustrating. And I almost forgot… on disaster day 7 he had more fun than Mikey.
THE OTHER BROTHER
Andy is somewhere in the middle. Not much praying about being filled with the Spirit or purpose. But he is obeying. At day 30 his joy level is a 7.5. He has some fun but his fun level is about a 7 because he is frustrated a bit by his life. But all in all, it is pretty good.
Back to Mikey. Out of 30 days, he had 10 good days, 16 great days, and 4 very tough days. He had way more joy for the month than Fred the Faller. He had way more fun than Fred.
Key point: If we really knew how falling would affect our lives – we would fight falling way harder.
1st Corinthians 6:9-10 New King James Version (NKJV)
9 Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals,[a] nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.
Why does the Bible say that fornicators and adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Why does 1st Corinthians 6 say the harsh things it says? It may be because when we accept Christ we join God’s army. There is a massive war going on. God has huge things for every person to do. At first He may only give us small things to do until we straighten up enough to do the huge things. But we need to train always to do the huge things while we do the small things.
When we commit the sins from Corinthians 6 the disobedience is a problem. But the real problem is God’s army went off to war and ____ stayed behind because of _____ . What should God do with the deserters? In 2017 in America virtually no one is taught about the urgency and importance of serving in God’s army. No one is taught to have a passion for winning the war. A passion for souls. A love for the people all around us dying and going to hell.
I focus on this passage regularly because I want to be fully aware of the war which is going on. I must quit any addictions so that I am able to do the task that God has for me to do.
Our guilt says we did something bad. Shame says, I am bad. The devil wants to use your shame to drive you away from God. God wants to use your guilt to bring you to grace. You can’t change your past, but God can change your future. A Christian leaves the past behind and prays harder and fights more.
If you are not a Christian but you would like to become one, here is how to do it. #1 Confess your known sins to God #2 Ask him to forgive you for your past sin. #3 Ask Him to be your personal Lord and Savior.
#4 Find a good church where you can find a pastor (usually from a smaller church) who can work with you on your addiction. #5 There is power in prayer. Pray about your addiction. Will God give you an instant cure? Sure he will to the 1/10 of 1 % of those who will stop looking back at their addiction. But for the rest of us who want to look back because we are stupid, there is no instant cure. But we still need to pray because when we pray and are right with God the light goes on in our life. Then if we mess up it is very obvious that Gods way is best and that Christianity is the only real thing we have in the scope of an everlasting lifetime.
If you are a porn addict, you think about things you overinduge in (maybe TV) which lead back to addiction. If you struggle with a sex addiction maybe you are hanging out too much with loose friends (even ones you will never do anything (sexually) with them). That probably gets you mind back on its old one way path to destruction.
Key Point:
Consider writing every prayer from this course on a 3 by 5 card and carry them with you wherever you go. Read and pray these prayers as often as you can (remember it is not the repetition that counts – you have to pray sincerely and urgently every time). We can only have the wrong output if we have the wrong input. We will predetermine in advance what our next action will be when we are tempted. If you pray enough your actions will begin to change. If you pray enough and your actions change enough you will never fall again.
Jan found that adding idea’s to her journal every day to be helpful.
Copyright 2015 © THR Publishing LLC
If this article has helped you, share it with your friends. Share buttons are below the index.
Thank you for reading day 7 of this program: Stop sex addiction and porn addiction.
Index
Day 1: Overcoming cravings
Day2 : Is God real?
Day 3: Quitting addiction exercises
Day 4: Getting negative emotions out
Day 5: You can never increase the amount of pleasure that you can have for the month by going back to an addiction
Day 6: Sin leads back to addiction