Sex/Porn freedom in 30 days: day 27

The mad cycle is addiction, cleaning up, freedom, then complacency. Some of you reading this article have just started the cleaning up phase. Sometimes this is the simple phase. Your addiction caused destruction again and you are committed to change no matter what. A few of you are in the freedom stage. You are currently free from your addiction and you have motivation to stay that way. Not many of you reading are in the complacency stage. This stage is a big problem. This is the problem stage that causes the mad cycle to begin again.

This is the stage where we skip SA meetings. We don’t work on our discipline anymore. We become overconfident and try to do it on our own. We settle into a new rut.

But be aware. When we settle into a new rut we will most assuredly find our way back into our old rut. Here is an example. If you were committed to lust and now you are committed to watching a lot of great movies, you have committed to being in a new rut. Sitting around hoping that you will stay clean does not help you or anyone else. Instead get involved in helping at overcoming addiction meetings. Get involved in working at your Church. Be the person who helps out the little old lady who lives around the corner. By helping others the person you help the most may be yourself.

Overcoming porn permanently is actually quite mathematical. Let’s look at a few addicts who have quit their addiction. Which of the three following people do you think will have the best chance to quit permanently? First we have Bill who is/was a former gambler. Bill now spends his free hours the following ways. Monday night is softball night with his new clean friends. Tuesday night is game night with his family. Wednesday night is Church night. Thursday night he spends with his new friend mike recording original songs just for fun. Friday night is GA. Saturday is helping out at the shelter and he has Harry coming over to watch the football game. Sunday is going to Church, doing a few odd jobs around the house and getting refreshed physically and spiritually.

Next we have Joe who is/was a former drinker. Monday night is AA. Tuesday is free. Wednesday he plays cards with his clean friends. Thursday is free. Friday he tries to get a date if possible. Saturday is mostly free but he often plays pool with his buddies on Saturday night.

Last we have Peter who is/was into sex. Peter hates scheduling and loves going with the flow. His only planned activity for the week is NA on Monday night. His sex addiction caused him immense destruction and he is very determined to quit.

Even though the only person we said was determined to quit was Peter, most of us would say that Bill is more likely to stay clean than Peter. I would say that Bill is three times more likely to stay clean than Peter. Reason number 1 is because he is busy. Staying active gives him less time to be tempted. Reason number 2 is because he is developing new friendships with people who care about him. Now he can start to lean on them in hard times instead of only having his habit to lean on. Reason #3 is because always has something to do, he rarely is bored. Being bored is a springboard back into addiction. Reason #4 is because now he is doing things to help other people. This gives him a satisfaction that he has never felt before. Reason #5 is because he is balanced. He is busy but he has a planned day of rest-Sunday.

Just as important as the addiction mad cycle is the Spiritual mad cycle. The Spiritual mad cycle is bondage, repentance, freedom and complacency. This cycle is vitally important for us because when we become complacent spiritually it often leads us back into addiction.

We fight complacency by what we do every day as Christians. We read the Bible every day. We have a time and a place for prayer. We learn to fear the Lord. The Bible says 100 times that we should fear the Lord.

Philippians 2:12 (NKJV)

12 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling;

If you don’t have a joy and a light in your life ask God why it is this way. If you are sincere in asking He will show you the problem. Then if you commit your life to following him He will be with you every step of the way.

Psalm 90:14
Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.

PRAYER FOR FREEDOM FROM ADDICTION

Lord Jesus, You said, “I have come to set the captives free.” We are captive and need Your healing touch. Free us, Lord, from our addictions, so that we will be:
…free from the cares and worries that stifle our happiness;
…free from sins that cling to us, and to which we cling;
…free from all compulsive behavior that prevents us from becoming what You, Lord, have planned for us.
Bring us, loving Savior, to the experience of abundant life which You promised. Amen.

Back in the 80’s there was a game show. If you got enough points you got to choose one of 3 doors to open. One door often had something like 500 cans of sardines. The next door might have 150 live chickens. The next door would have a $10,000 prize or a new car.

Addiction is a bit like this. We have 3 doors. Behind the first 2 doors are satan’s temptations. Behind the 3^rd door are the things which lead to light and joy. We often have cracked open satan’s door #1 with our past habitual sin. Sin gives satan certain rights to harass us. This 40 day program is all about techniques to start to close that door. But door #2 we have complete control of. But we often crack it open because we want to be in charge and do borderline sinful stuff.

Since we want to be Christians we also open door #3. But if door 1 and 2 are wide open we often don’t feel much when we open door #3. We often see very few answers to prayer if the 1^st and 2nd doors are open.

Door 1 is often hard to shut. If you have been drinking or looking at porn as often as possible for 15 years – it is going to take some work to slam that door shut. But door # 2 is your decision now. You choose whether to watch a show that talks about the point spread when u have a gambling problem, you choose whether you sit around discussing the good old party days when you are trying to dry out, you choose to watch a movie that is only fairly smutty when porn has put up a wall between you and Christ in the past.

Circumstances seem to drive us back to addiction but that is only rarely the case. But circumstances combined with you holding door #2 wide open will certainly make temptation very tough.

Will God really give you joy if you slam door #2 Shut? Ask Him. Discuss it with Him.

You only do what you do because it is “what you do.” Do you exaggerate the pleasure door #2 offers? Do you focus on the joy door # 3 offers you when you slam the other doors shut? Most of you agree by now that doing things God’s way increases your joy.

What habit can you start today that will help you slam door #2 shut and help you do things God’s way habitually?

Read John 24, 2nd Corinthians 8 and Proverbs 22

Index

Day 1: Overcoming cravings

Day2 : Is God real?

Day 14: Learning form the story of Adam and Eve

Day 15: Blessings and curses

Day 17: Self Control continued

Day 18: Learning to pray

Day 19: What kind of prayers does God answer

Day 21: Finding a Church that can help you

Day 22: Why is it so hard to quit

Day 23: plan plan plan

Day 24: Don’t condemn yourself

Day 25: Get the anger and negative emotions out

Day26: Attack your addiction